Log in

All In Your Head - Brian Tuft [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Brian Tuft

[ website | Facebook ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

All In Your Head [Jul. 21st, 2009|08:20 pm]
Brian Tuft
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |Atrium at School]
[music |"Say Anything (Else)" Cartel]

After my trip to the country to visit Erin, and check out All Time Low in concert I headed back to the city. Before I could set down my bags Brittany (my sister) and I decided to stop over in Astoria to bid bon voyage to Jennifer before her trip to Dominican Republic. Nicole (my friend) brought this girl Jessica (Nicole's old friend), who to be honest no one likes. Obviously, this caused a problem, since Nicole was the only one who was friends with this girl and the girl also picked a strange place for us to gather. What was planned as a casual good bye to a best friend from all of her good friends, turned into an awkward meal with people I didn't know very well, at a restaurant I didn't like very much. The day after, things felt strained between Nicole and I. Or at least I thought so, but once I called her and told her how I was feeling. Nicole told me that there was no bad feeling or anything going on and suggested "It must've been all in your head".

Things being in my head, seemed to be a pattern lately...

With Jen in the tropics I had no standing date for coffee, so I took on a new date. Zack (my friend), who you may remember had canceled our dates in the past, and I finally got together. We had a nice lunch at Cafeteria and then went to the Highline to walk around. To be honest, from our online talks I was expecting to be like lunch with a gay priest. But, it was a lot of fun and the conversation was natural. Although as far as dates go, it was pretty romantic with the walk around the skyline, however the sparks didn't seem to be there. When I spoke about it to Dana (my best friend) she pointed out I didn't seem too excited about the date. To be honest, I really wasn't. Even so, I still was willing to have another one until I spoke to Zack. Thankfully, he was honest and told me he didn't feel like there was anything there. I feared I was willing to date someone just to date someone. This was a scary prospect, was I so desperate for a relationship that I would fake one with someone there was no chemistry with?

In the future I'll need to make sure I'm actually feeling what I think I should be feeling...

When I got in from my date, with someone who was not the love of my life, I found my sister on the couch with the newest love of her life. Her new puppy, appropriately named Romeo. He is a shitzu yorkie mix and is so little and cute, but from past experience I know big trouble can come in small packages, and I had a feeling that we were in for more than we expected with our new puppy. Maybe it was the arrival of our new dog Romeo, or the absence of Jennifer, but this week I had been laying low. Spending time reading, watching TV and the like. And, while Jennifer's vacation had left a few slots open in my social calender, I was suddenly realizing how much Jennifer's not being here affected Jamie (my former friend). With her friendship with Samantha (Jamie's college roommate and best friend) distant, and of course things with us nonexistent, she took Jen's lead and hightailed it out of the city. I began to see that Jamie really didn't seem to have any friends left. And, as much as I wanted to enjoy that, I actually pitied her.

Now, Jennifer was about to return from her trip, and I had just taken midterms for my summer classes. With summer classes, and the summer itself, more than half way over and the former romantic prospects explored and all of my big plans over I was unsure where to go or do next. And I couldn't tell yet if that was a good thing or a bad thing...