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Brian Tuft

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Can't Let Them Down... [Aug. 31st, 2009|05:06 am]
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |In Bed]
[mood |satisfiedsatisfied]
[music |"Just Dance" Lady GaGa]

Before the summer ended I promised I would throw a party, and as a man of my word I came through. I hadn't hosted a get together at my house for some time, not since I turned 22 in March. So much work went into holding the party, I mean cooking, planning, cleaning, but as exhausted as I was before. The party was totally worth the work. It was a low key affair, drinking games, Uno and Barbeque. The people who showed up were not only my guests, they were my best friends and you can't let them down! The turn out was great, and on top of that I can safely say everyone had a good time. Some people had more fun than others, but that's only because not everyone was around when we skinny dipped in my pool at midnight singing Abba!

I had really been getting some wonderful things done in my free time, the house is cleaner than it has been in months and I resumed home cooking which I had really missed. Now August was about to come to an end and the Fall was imminent. I was not looking forward to school and the Winter cold but I was excited about breaking out my fabulous coats and my wonderful cashmere.
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From a Hero to the Villain... [Aug. 19th, 2009|11:34 am]
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |The Living Room]
[mood |satisfiedsatisfied]
[music |"Knock You Down" Keri Hilson]

A lot has changed since the last time you all saw me, Jen had returned from the Tropics, but it wasn't until she was back in New York that the heat was really felt. When she got back into town we had had coffee one day and things didn't feel great, but I thought it was just an off week. However, when Nicole called me that night she had told me something that I had been dreading since last summer. Since last summer, Jennifer had told me that she respected, understood and supported me in my views and actions towards Jamie. But, Nicole came out and told me that Jennifer has been telling a different tale to everyone else. And it had seemed that Jennifer had done so just to keep from getting involved, which has been her stance on a lot of issues between her friends. A policy of I tell people what they want to hear to keep from getting in trouble. However talking shit about people, while lying to their face about your feelings seems like a surefire way of getting in trouble.

So I sent a mild mannered e-mail to Jennifer, letting her know that I in no way blame her for what transpired but I do wish she would have told me how she saw things and maybe things would be different between Jamie and I. Not saying we would be friends, but maybe at least civil. However, Jennifer misread my e-mail and went of the offensive attacking me and calling me all sort of names in a profanity laced e-mailed. But, what's worse is she allowed her friend Lauren to speak on her behalf. And while Lauren and I were speaking I think Jennifer got the impression that too much damage was done, since Lauren ran her mouth and told me EVERYTHING that had ever been secretive. I don't know what happened or why it happened but one I thing I know sure that happened in this was I went from a Hero to the Villain in this story. Overnight, Lauren, Jennifer, Jamie and Nicole who all at one point were my friends, began saying that I was some misery inflicting sociopath who was a master manipulator. Which is news to me, since I've never done anything to any of them... I mean I won't lie I do like seeing people ending up miserable when they deserve it and I do dabble in manipulation to get things to pan out for me. But, I'm not exactly a villain in the leagues of Lord Voldermort or Darth Vader.

Well other than losing two friends who I once believed were amazing friends, but amazing friends are not the type to flip on you like that, are they? I finished summer classes for once and for all and ended the season with an A- which is very exciting. I also reconnected or continued to reconnect with friends who were neglected during my summer of learning. In the past few weeks, since cutting ties with Jennifer and Co. I was happier and doing more than I had in months. My friend Colleen and I had discussed her own plights at an event for the Time Traveler's Wife right after the fallout and she told me that she too had to cut a few "toxic" people out of her own life and she felt immensely better afterwards.

Looking forward I have off a few more weeks before fall classes start in the second week of September and for the time being I'm just cleaning, organizing and taking care of a few things before classes start. But, don't worry it's not all work... There will be some play! I decided to host a little Barbeque the last weekend in August and it is shaping up to be a bit smaller than my past affairs but it should be a total blast.
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All In Your Head [Jul. 21st, 2009|08:20 pm]
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[Current Location |Atrium at School]
[music |"Say Anything (Else)" Cartel]

After my trip to the country to visit Erin, and check out All Time Low in concert I headed back to the city. Before I could set down my bags Brittany (my sister) and I decided to stop over in Astoria to bid bon voyage to Jennifer before her trip to Dominican Republic. Nicole (my friend) brought this girl Jessica (Nicole's old friend), who to be honest no one likes. Obviously, this caused a problem, since Nicole was the only one who was friends with this girl and the girl also picked a strange place for us to gather. What was planned as a casual good bye to a best friend from all of her good friends, turned into an awkward meal with people I didn't know very well, at a restaurant I didn't like very much. The day after, things felt strained between Nicole and I. Or at least I thought so, but once I called her and told her how I was feeling. Nicole told me that there was no bad feeling or anything going on and suggested "It must've been all in your head".

Things being in my head, seemed to be a pattern lately...

With Jen in the tropics I had no standing date for coffee, so I took on a new date. Zack (my friend), who you may remember had canceled our dates in the past, and I finally got together. We had a nice lunch at Cafeteria and then went to the Highline to walk around. To be honest, from our online talks I was expecting to be like lunch with a gay priest. But, it was a lot of fun and the conversation was natural. Although as far as dates go, it was pretty romantic with the walk around the skyline, however the sparks didn't seem to be there. When I spoke about it to Dana (my best friend) she pointed out I didn't seem too excited about the date. To be honest, I really wasn't. Even so, I still was willing to have another one until I spoke to Zack. Thankfully, he was honest and told me he didn't feel like there was anything there. I feared I was willing to date someone just to date someone. This was a scary prospect, was I so desperate for a relationship that I would fake one with someone there was no chemistry with?

In the future I'll need to make sure I'm actually feeling what I think I should be feeling...

When I got in from my date, with someone who was not the love of my life, I found my sister on the couch with the newest love of her life. Her new puppy, appropriately named Romeo. He is a shitzu yorkie mix and is so little and cute, but from past experience I know big trouble can come in small packages, and I had a feeling that we were in for more than we expected with our new puppy. Maybe it was the arrival of our new dog Romeo, or the absence of Jennifer, but this week I had been laying low. Spending time reading, watching TV and the like. And, while Jennifer's vacation had left a few slots open in my social calender, I was suddenly realizing how much Jennifer's not being here affected Jamie (my former friend). With her friendship with Samantha (Jamie's college roommate and best friend) distant, and of course things with us nonexistent, she took Jen's lead and hightailed it out of the city. I began to see that Jamie really didn't seem to have any friends left. And, as much as I wanted to enjoy that, I actually pitied her.

Now, Jennifer was about to return from her trip, and I had just taken midterms for my summer classes. With summer classes, and the summer itself, more than half way over and the former romantic prospects explored and all of my big plans over I was unsure where to go or do next. And I couldn't tell yet if that was a good thing or a bad thing...
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Keeps Chasing the Same Ones... [Jul. 15th, 2009|07:12 am]
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |In Bed]
[mood |coldcold]
[music |"Wanna Be Starting Something" Michael Jackson]

The rain had finally stopped falling, and the sun had come out making it feel like summer for the first time in a while. With summer classes underway and my classes for the fall already lined up it was time not only to get to work, but to make sure I had some fun to keep a balance. Nicole, Jennifer and I got together one night and did our Monday night tradition of Wing Night at O'Neil's and then decided to go to Flo in Astoria for coffee afterwards. On our way into the Cafe we bumped into Jerry, Jennifer's friend, who was on a date. For as long as I could remember Jerry was always single and happy that way, but lately he had been dating and was on to his second girlfriend in a short period. Nicole and the girl had gone to high school together and Nicole told us she was kind of a bitch. Jen didn't dispute this description when she told us the story of meeting the new girlfriend. I couldn't figure out how a nice, good looking guy like Jerry wasn't in a happy relationship with a nice, sweet girl. It was at this point when Jen said that it was a habit of Jerry's, he could have a nice girl. But, he keeps chasing the same ones.

As for myself I was beginning to wonder if I too was chasing the same ones. My love life seemed to be going so well, but after two canceled dates and one postponed it had suddenly resumed being nonexistent. Craig hadn't even bothered to call and cancel, he tweeted that he had a problem and he would reschedule. Zach however, did apologize for postponing the get together. I couldn't decide if giving a second chance was the right thing to do, or if I was letting these guys walk all over me before they even walked into my life. I thought a lot about it, and decided to offer them a second chance, not only for them but for myself. The amount of time I spent thinking about potential suitors was nothing to the amount of time Dana was spending thinking about Robert Pattinson, an actor, who was filming a movie all over the city. Ever since seeing Twilight last year he had overnight become Dana's sole obsession and now that he was all over the city he was all Dana could and seemed to want to talk about. Something that was causing friction not only between us, but also with her husband.

But, with summer finally underway things were going well. Brittany and I were lucky enough to go see Harry Potter at the premiere, Brittany even got to meet and talk to Rupert Grint and then Saturday night Nicole's aunt surprised all of us with a table at the Waverly Inn and I had such a great time. With M back on the Upper East after her trip to the Far East, it was now Jennifer's turn to be out of town. She was heading to the Dominican Republic with Lauren. Something told me that this trip would either make their friendship stronger, or end it entirely. Now Brittany and I were heading up to my friend Erin's for a weekend concert. Hopefully the change of scenery would be relaxing before we headed home to another round of school and excitement.
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It Will Never Be Over [Jun. 29th, 2009|09:07 pm]
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |Atrium at School]
[music |"The Climb" Miley Cyrus]

School had started again, and even after the shortest of breaks it was hard to get back into the swing of things. But, somehow I pulled it out. My schedule was back to normal, and I was getting more than just school work done. My classes were more work than I had imagined, but I was confident to keep things up. One of the class I am taking is called the Drama. A subject I know a lot about... Throughout my life I had been notorious for acting first and thinking later when it came to drama. But lately, I had been taking the high road and not really doing anything, especially with Jamie. I had figured we had been friends so long, and even though we weren't anymore we still had mutual friends so it would be wise to be civil.

But, then Jamie did something so childish it took me straight back to high school. She had deleted me off of her Facebook friend's list. Now it wasn't that I frequently checked her profile, or enjoyed being able to "like" her status if it said anything bad had happened to her. I had just felt it was a casual enough connection to show our friends we were still able to be civilized. So when she did this, I was hurt. It had seemed with her dirty looks at parties and now removing me as a friend on social networking sites, which used to be my old M.O. that Jamie was trying to get a rise out of me. But, then Jennifer explained it was just Jamie's way of ending the friendship because in her eyes it was over. But, the thing was in a sense it will never be over As long as we have our friends in common, we will always have some sort of connection. Unless of course she is willing to surrender custody of Nicole and Jennifer. Then we could sever all ties and be done with it.

Aside from the drama with friends, there was also drama with my love life. After being excited about two prospects one stood me up and the other canceled the day before. It was starting to seem like I was destined to be alone for a while.

Now with Jennifer, Jamie and Lauren heading to Atlantic City leaving Nicole behind it was beginning to look like Nicole was going to feel my pain as the odd man out. A position I was more than happy to share with someone else. I wasn't allowing their trip to bring me down, I'll be spending the week on the up and up. Upper East Side to be exact, housesitting for a friend. My new location meant that I could be closer to Jay and Tina, and maybe it was best to spend some time away from my normal circle.
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... It's Just Not Like Old Times [Jun. 24th, 2009|05:59 am]
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[Current Location |Living Room]
[music |"Obsessed" Mariah Carey]

After what had seemed like forever, I finally heard from my friend Keri. We used to work together at Chili's a few summers ago and we were like best friends. But, when I left the job, she and I kind of drifted. Even with the best of intensions, it was hard for us to remain close. With the exception of a few random get togethers I hadn't seen her in a long time. So when she called me out of the blue to invite me to dinner, I jumped at the chance. She invited a few of our former co-workers, two of which I am still very close with. However, the day of the get together I found out that neither Sara or Lauren were going to be able to make it. So it was just Keri, Sal, Andrea and I. Otherwise known as the most random double date ever. We all hung out and had great Mexican food and sucked back a few margaritas. It was just like old times, as though no time had passed since we last got together for Andrea's birthday last summer.

Nicole, however was someone I couldn't get to stop calling me. Ever since her falling out with Lauren she and I seemed to be attached at the hip. And, it was a good thing since we were both in a falling out with a former friend. Both of whom were still very tight with Jennifer. Nicole voiced to me that she too felt there was a very palpable divide at Jennifer's birthday and she like myself believed before hand that things were going to be swept under the rug for the night. Everyone would show up and just suck it up for the night and get along for the sake of our friend. Nicole said that with there being three distinct groups of friends all hanging out in different sections of the dance floor, it was a strange feeling. I told her that I got the feeling that this was the beginning of a new era, one where not everyone was friends and we could not all just get along.

When I asked Nicole, if she had fun she said of course I did it was just that... It's not like old times? I asked. So now with the lines clearly drawn and no one backing down I was beginning to wonder if it was only a matter of time until the tension came to a boil.
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We'll Never Be Friends [Jun. 20th, 2009|08:28 am]
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |In Bed...]
[music |"New Day" Tamar Kaprelian]

I had worked really hard to get my academic affairs in order, and back on the right track. And, now with less than a weekend before I begin taking my summer classes, I was excited to make more progress. But, I was worried that taking on the unnecessary responsibilities would make me fall back into old patterns of skipping classes. Was I right to keep moving in the right direction or should I take a break to reward some good behavior?

Jennifer's birthday party had come and gone, everyone had had a good time, but it didn't feel like old times. With Jamie and I not talking, and Lauren and Nicole not speaking either there was an undeniable divide in the room. Lauren and Nicole had seen each other recently even after they had their falling out. As for Jamie and I it was the first time after a year of fighting that we had seen each other. Dana was there for moral support but she was unsure of where I stood on the issue. It was hard to be honest with her, since Dana is such a loyal friend she sometimes cannot see the other side. I felt that Jamie and I used to be best friends, we used to be really close, and I loved her. But, she starting doing things and it became apparent she was not the friend I thought she was.

It didn't take long at the party for me to be able to gauge the atmosphere between Jamie and I. From the moment I arrived she avoided me at all costs, and at times even passive aggressively spoke to Dana, who is primarily my friend in what seemed a gesture of friendliness but also really bitchy. The only time she and I made any contact was at one point when I was returning from the bar and she shot me the a dirty look. On the way home Dana asked me if I had spoken to Jamie, and I explained to her before the party I didn't think there was anything Jamie could say that could make me forget what had happened and be her friend again, but after the party it was clear that we'll never be friends...

My love life had been in the idle since I could remember, and my recent attempts to shift into drive have been going well. With a date this Sunday with a guy named Sean, and some textual flirtation with a new guy named Craig. I was beginning to become hopeful that it was finally my chance to be lucky in love.

Now, I had bit the bullet and come face to face with the ghost of best friend's past, but just as my summer classes begin I felt I had just got a lesson in how quickly people can change. And, it was not a fun lesson to learn.
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Done Playing Games [Jun. 18th, 2009|11:02 pm]
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |The Kitchen]
[music |"Hey Brittany" Forever the Sickest Kids]

So today was a day that really reminded me that in a life where things always seem sunny and delightful, it really only takes one rainy day to remind you to be more thankful for the sunshine when you find it.

I started by cleaning up around the house, it was such a mess... After a successful attempt at getting things a little neater I decided to take a nap. Cleaning the house would be the last thing I was successful with, all day. Brittany and I had standing plans to go and see Lauren Conrad sign books in Tribecca. We arrived there, and the line was closed. So we decided it wasn't worth sticking around, we headed to SoHo to grab a bite to eat and then headed to Astoria.

Lauren Conrad was in Manhattan signing books about a reality TV star dealing with drama on and off camera, but it turned out that my friends in Queens were signing me up for drama of my own. With my sister in tow, I arrived in Astoria to grab a coffee with Jennifer, the birthday girl and a few of our friends to celebrate her 22nd birthday. When I arrived there it turned out there was a change of plans and it was now a few drinks at a dive bar. A dive bar I could not morally take my sister to.

When I reached out to Jennifer to discuss the events, she was less than sympathetic to my situation. I texted Nicole to see how things were going, because I was going to travel back to celebrate. Nicole told me that the guests were sitting at a table playing Uno, certain people weren't talking to each other, Jennifer was ignoring her guests and people were passive aggressively talking about each other. I had a choice, I could go home and enjoy a night with my sister, or I could go and sit around and metaphorically and literally play games with these people.

Maybe it was the bitterness of a spoiled night, or the wisdom that came with my own 22nd birthday, but I was too old to play games. I am done with games, games of any sort.
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That Doesn't Sound Like Love [Jun. 18th, 2009|05:19 am]
[Tags|, , , , ]
[Current Location |In Bed...]
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |"Poison Ivy" Jonas Brothers]

Nicole joined me in the 22 club this weekend, and to celebrate threw herself an elaborate club birthday party at the M2 Lounge, which used to be Mansion. I was looking forward to going, since her birthday is my annual pilgrimage to a club. But, my nerves got the best of me, since I was unsure of what to wear and felt uncomfortable making her pay for us. So that night, I felt weird and decided to sit that party out.

Apparently, while I went to see the Hangover in my sweats, the drama hit Nicole's party. After enjoying the pleasures that bottle service can bring, Tom (Jennifer's Boyfriend) told Daniella (Nicole and Jennifer's friend from High School) off about her boyfriend John. Daniella and John during her years at college in Connecticut, and although he financially takes care of her, he is not exactly any of her friend's favorite guy. After Tom opened the flood gates, everyone started piling on their opinions. Daniella said that she cared for him a lot and he took care of her. But, he wants Dani to abandon her dreams of medical school. Nicole told her the next day that the relationship didn't sound healthy and from the way Daniella described her feelings, that didn't sound like love.

Jennifer's birthday is actually today, so we will be celebrating tomorrow by going out and having a few drinks. Which should be fun, and it will finally bring Jamie and I face to face. An event that I have said before makes me a little nervous. However, I spoke to Christina and she reminded me that" you look fabulous, you're confident, thinner than the last time she saw you, have a whole new set of friends and dating prospects since the last time she saw you, and you still have me which i think already puts you like ten steps ahead of her." Which made me feel better.

This weekend is the end of my mini break as I begin classes on Monday. Which kind of stinks, but I am excited as I finished last semester with a 3.3 so I'm very happy. And, hopefully can match that success over the summer. But, the weekend will not leave much time for relaxation. Between Jen's party and my classes, I have a date with a guy named Mike which will hopefully go well...

With school going well, and a few dates lined up the only thing left was to find a job for the summer.
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Nothing New, Just Plenty of the Same Old... [Jun. 10th, 2009|01:21 am]
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |In Bed...]
[music |"No Boundaries" Adam Lambert]

Since I've last updated, not much has changed but that doesn't mean nothing has been happening. Jennifer's friend Lauren is still fighting or at least not speaking with Nicole. All signs pointed to the idea that is was a wonderful turn of events for all parties involved because they were just horrible together. But, with Jennifer's birthday party coming up soon, it may be a problem since it will be the first time everyone will be together since the falling outs.

After I told Dana that I was getting frustrated with her actions and behavior with her sister in the hospital, I noticed a great change in her. We spent an entire day together having lunch, shopping and catching up. It was of course nice to catch up and spend the day with her, but what was truly wonderful was the fact that I had said something to her and she not only listened to what I said but she also changed the pattern. If only everyone had this sense in my life.

I am only class away from school being completely over for a few weeks, before summer classes begin. And, what's worse is the group I am supposed to be working with has proven themselves to be completely useless yet again. With a small research paper due on the day of the final I've reached out to them and have not heard anything from them. I am wondering how terrible it would be for me to write my own paper to cover my own ass aside from writing my share of their paper. I've worked too hard to get screwed over now.

With only a few hours separating me from summer vacation, albeit a brief one, but I just have to get there in one piece and not let anything stress me out once I get there.
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